“I had to have emergency surgery and stop filming the show for two weeks. I don’t know why I lied to everyone on set and said that my appendix had ruptured, really. Maybe because I was lying to myself. If I faced losing my baby, then I didn’t know if two weeks would be enough emotional healing time. In the end, it was barely enough healing time for me physically, before I was right back to work on set,” she wrote.
“I had lost so much weight after the surgery, and my body was so frail. I still had to walk red carpets during that time, and when I look back at pictures, I can see how skinny I was. Too skinny. And too much in denial. But it’s like I’ve said before, sometimes I did whatever it took to show up and get the job done … even if it was to my own detriment,” she added. “For years, I never grieved losing my first baby. I didn’t know how to, but I eventually learned. I had to speak to that baby and acknowledge their existence. I had to forgive myself and know that what had happened wasn’t my fault, that I deserved to be a mother, and that I was ready to bring a baby into this world down here.”
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